Ok...... time to get a little personal......In my lifetime I have started and stopped trying to live a healthier lifestyle more times than I care to admit. I never had a "weight problem" when I was younger however I remember being in 9th grade and I was 5'6 and probably 125lbs and I was playing volleyball with the school team. I remember when we ran before the game in our game shorts feeling self concious, and I have no idea why. No one had called me fat, however as I look back I remember even in junior high some of my friends being obsessed with how they looked and how much they weighed, but until then it hadn't really affected me.
I floated through college that semester and failed and dropped out of most of my classes and along with that I began to eat.... alot. I blamed it on being in college and always being on the road but the truth is food made me feel better. I went to Mcdonalds once or twice a day and by the end of my first year of college I had probably put on 15-20lbs. Through again God's graciousness he worked on my heart and I was able to forgive myself for the accident, after all it was just that, an accident and I couldn't feel guilty about it and I had to move on. However emotional eating for me never changed, it only grew worse. My sunday ritual in college was to go to church, then to Sonic then a nap. So needless to say after my 3rd year in college I was 200lbs and at 5'6 that is not a good weight at all. I looked to food as my entertainment... my companionship... my reward for working hard.
I went away to college my junior year and I was so homesick that food became really important to me. I remember ordering pizza and sitting in my room by myself and eating the whole thing! I remember making jokes about how much I loved food.....and people would laugh but inside I was so unhappy with the way I looked and felt.
This is the only picture I could find on my computer of my college years. You can tell in my face that I was putting on weight.
This past week I started a bible study called "Made to Crave" and I am praying it is the answer. Im ready to stop the cycle of losing... gaining... losing... gaining.... and all the emotions that go with that cycle.